Desperate Gay Lives
This post is dedicated to my very dear Capricorn Friend, Bad G as he is known in some circles.
I will take the license to write about the lives of friends and people I know. I am not dead, like the series, but I am just an observer. I am the voice that narrates the stories. Stories which I think are incredibly rich, as they are complex. And incredibly human as they are real.
I will try not to pass any judgment or form any opinion as I write these stories. I will leave it to the reader to judge for him/herself. To relate to these experience in his/her own way.
I was commissioned to write this post serialized after the drama series, and I actually thought of creating a separate blog named "Desperate Gay Lives". But too much for TV spoofs, and I already have too many blogs, it would not be fair to create a new one and not update it on regular basis.
But who knows. If all goes well for this post I may eventually create a separate blog after all. I will regard this post as a 'pilot'.
This story is about waiting.
Waiting for a friend, waiting for a beloved, waiting for a visa, waiting for an email, waiting.
Or waiting for all of these together.
There comes a point in one's life where things change, or are about to transform, and just like in nature creatures hibernate, in transitions, we come to a temporary halt. In this state of "limbo" it is when one reaches out. Sometimes people will form transitory alliances, to resolve this state of "anxiety". This state of "emergency".
I have plenty of stories of this kind. Of transitory attachments that were formed on a contingent basis, till a critical condition is ultimately resolved.
And once resolved, I rarely got to hear from those people again.
It was devastating at first. But the human ability to adapt, even to extreme circumstances, is nothing short of miraculous.
In time I got used to it. I actually began to anticipate it, I could always see it coming.
And instead of feeling angry or resentful about the unpredictable nature of these relationships, for I always had this sense of betrayal, I began to see it as part of how human relations evolved. Never a big fan of evolutionary psychology, yet surprisingly it makes much sense in this particular context.
And over the years I accumulated dozens of stories. Of transitions and emergencies. And only now that I was asked to write them. Write about the people who are waiting.
Approximately five million Egyptians relocated to the Gulf countries starting the mid 70s till the 1980s. I am not familiar with more recent statistics.
Its considered one of the most significant demographic phenomenon that ever happened in the last hundred years in Egypt.
The consequences of which can still be felt till now.
Generations after generations were raised in the schizophrenic environment of the Gulf countries, with serious identity dysphoria, and those who managed to stay wholesome always complained about a frightful sense of alienation from our beloved Cairo and its people.
I start with those.
The migrant birds. Who flew east for winter, west for summer and now north (not that I consider Australia "north", but geographic designation holds little meaning when it come to politics) to stay there forever!
Just like the precarious sense of identity that was formed across the span of diverging cultures/social contexts so were the desires of these people. Nothing is more ambiguous or unfathomable like desire. How it works or why is matter of such investigation. But the question that dictates itself is how the alternative modes and norms of existence inscribe themselves over their “bodies”. For bodies are not only physical but they are symbols and scripts that are constantly re/written. They are a work-in-progress.
I will take the license to write about the lives of friends and people I know. I am not dead, like the series, but I am just an observer. I am the voice that narrates the stories. Stories which I think are incredibly rich, as they are complex. And incredibly human as they are real.
I will try not to pass any judgment or form any opinion as I write these stories. I will leave it to the reader to judge for him/herself. To relate to these experience in his/her own way.
I was commissioned to write this post serialized after the drama series, and I actually thought of creating a separate blog named "Desperate Gay Lives". But too much for TV spoofs, and I already have too many blogs, it would not be fair to create a new one and not update it on regular basis.
But who knows. If all goes well for this post I may eventually create a separate blog after all. I will regard this post as a 'pilot'.
This story is about waiting.
Waiting for a friend, waiting for a beloved, waiting for a visa, waiting for an email, waiting.
Or waiting for all of these together.
There comes a point in one's life where things change, or are about to transform, and just like in nature creatures hibernate, in transitions, we come to a temporary halt. In this state of "limbo" it is when one reaches out. Sometimes people will form transitory alliances, to resolve this state of "anxiety". This state of "emergency".
I have plenty of stories of this kind. Of transitory attachments that were formed on a contingent basis, till a critical condition is ultimately resolved.
And once resolved, I rarely got to hear from those people again.
It was devastating at first. But the human ability to adapt, even to extreme circumstances, is nothing short of miraculous.
In time I got used to it. I actually began to anticipate it, I could always see it coming.
And instead of feeling angry or resentful about the unpredictable nature of these relationships, for I always had this sense of betrayal, I began to see it as part of how human relations evolved. Never a big fan of evolutionary psychology, yet surprisingly it makes much sense in this particular context.
And over the years I accumulated dozens of stories. Of transitions and emergencies. And only now that I was asked to write them. Write about the people who are waiting.
Approximately five million Egyptians relocated to the Gulf countries starting the mid 70s till the 1980s. I am not familiar with more recent statistics.
Its considered one of the most significant demographic phenomenon that ever happened in the last hundred years in Egypt.
The consequences of which can still be felt till now.
Generations after generations were raised in the schizophrenic environment of the Gulf countries, with serious identity dysphoria, and those who managed to stay wholesome always complained about a frightful sense of alienation from our beloved Cairo and its people.
I start with those.
The migrant birds. Who flew east for winter, west for summer and now north (not that I consider Australia "north", but geographic designation holds little meaning when it come to politics) to stay there forever!
Just like the precarious sense of identity that was formed across the span of diverging cultures/social contexts so were the desires of these people. Nothing is more ambiguous or unfathomable like desire. How it works or why is matter of such investigation. But the question that dictates itself is how the alternative modes and norms of existence inscribe themselves over their “bodies”. For bodies are not only physical but they are symbols and scripts that are constantly re/written. They are a work-in-progress.
And we are many a times conditioned in what we believe is “desirable”.
Bilingualism becomes desirable.
Education becomes desirable.
Masculinized behavior becomes desirable.
Pale skin becomes desirable.
Older men become desirable.
Is Cairo
Are the desires of those alienated from their alleged environment, context ever stand a chance of being assimilated in this context?
Or do they have to go ‘elsewhere’ to get their "fix"?
And in the light of restricted mobility for us middle easterners (religion seems to be of little consequence… even Christian middle easterners are locally stranded) what choices do they have? With the very little they can do?
Are the desires of those alienated from their alleged environment, context ever stand a chance of being assimilated in this context?
Or do they have to go ‘elsewhere’ to get their "fix"?
And in the light of restricted mobility for us middle easterners (religion seems to be of little consequence… even Christian middle easterners are locally stranded) what choices do they have? With the very little they can do?
They can try again and again. Look for the one place, the one place where there is a possibility of acting out these desires.
A question of agency perhaps?
A question of manifesting desire in a reciprocating environment?
A question of agency perhaps?
A question of manifesting desire in a reciprocating environment?
They do.
They apply for visas, scholarships, job opening at strange countries (is Switzerland
And while the west/north/developed/G8 countries impose more restriction on mobility and movement, those ‘poor, unfortunate souls’ struggle twice as much to “move”. “Move” somewhere where they are liberated from these disciplines and codes that frame desires in such an impossible way. Only to discover that they conditioned themselves all long to want/desire/yearn/desiderate these formulations, these psychic constructions.
And while the west/north/developed/G8 countries impose more restriction on mobility and movement, those ‘poor, unfortunate souls’ struggle twice as much to “move”. “Move” somewhere where they are liberated from these disciplines and codes that frame desires in such an impossible way. Only to discover that they conditioned themselves all long to want/desire/yearn/desiderate these formulations, these psychic constructions.
And while politics takes its course, they wait.
And these transitory alliances are formed. These “covalent bonds” that diffuse the stress, the tension, the anxiety of “waiting”.
Maybe to continued one day..
Comments
Waiting for the next episode..