On Gaydar
Well, it won't be the first time and I doubt it will be the last.
I just deleted my Gaydar profile. My only means to connect to the so-called gay community. The imagined community that only acquires existence through a fragile medium such as cyberspace.
What do I have against Gaydar?
My profile has been viewed over three thousand times (and this statement is not to brag its rather out of frustration) and the number of eligible gentleman over the span of three years did not exceed one or two at the most.
Three thousand views.
You would think.
But no. That gay men are a minority and the statistical probability of meeting someone interesting (regardless of the definition of interesting and regardless of extremely variant tastes. The term is open to interpretation) is ten times as difficult or impossible as mainstream heterosexuals leaves little to be said. Or done actually.
But then if we will use statistics to analyze this then maybe we should also say how context-dependent is it.
Those who conform to mainstream tastes, sympathies, aesthetics, politics, non-threatening yet challenging ideas are twenty times more likely to get more hits.
And these are not the thoughts of some sad, hateful queen. (with the great risk of sounding like one)
Rather its a mere observation.
If you place a personal photo of a defined mid-section in Speedos, the probability of other members messaging you increases ten fold (I would for a start. For the sheer pleasure of eye-candy). If you add to this an "interesting" (the above disclaimer applies) description in English, the probability increases another tenfold.
A standardized pattern of self-representation is thus created and those who choose other means to "represent" themselves are immediately ostracized or risk being unintelligible in a context of a rigid lexicon of identity norms that has been established.
It would be like speaking Mandarin to a group of Italians at the Egyptian Museum. This is how "dislocated" and unreal it sounds.
The immediate physical appeal, the bilingualism, the stress on class are all key in understanding how "other members" of the "community" operate.
I remember once this Lebanese guy who had his entire profile written in classical, formal Arabic. I thought this was mighty refreshing not to mention downright bold in a very sexy way. He was the first and the last person ever to do this.
That he turned out to be a psycho (not in a derogatory sense, in the sense he made it impossible to communicate) is another matter.
But the matter remains unresolved.
Its either English or trashy Arabic.
The disdain for a native tongue is unprecedented. (myself included. But I try to embrace my bias and I always say I will take anyone who writes proper Arabic, which is awfully rare these days...)
God knows I tried to check out people who do not have personal photos on display, who spoke bad English and who apparently were everyone's list of no no.
It was like the "Year of Yes"!
But did that help?
No! I had a series of losers, psychos and every specimen of nature's odds knock at my door.
Something begged to be asked, why can't I be a good girl and work out, put a simple yet "interesting" (still the same disclaimer) uncomplicated info on my profile?
I wish I could answer that one.
That I have a problem with personal photography, and just conforming or being mainstreamed will explain just a little bit.
Its almost impossible to completely crush all my sense of individuality (no matter how pretentious this sounds, honestly it is not).
If people all look and act the same, does this sound right?
People were created different for a reason.
And they are, no matter how much tyrannical aesthetics and norms try to prove or do otherwise.
Will I continue boycotting Gaydar?
No. I don't think so.
I will allow myself to be mainstreamed, objectified and crushed one more time. What I did for love (i.e. a good slab of man meat that is)!
I just deleted my Gaydar profile. My only means to connect to the so-called gay community. The imagined community that only acquires existence through a fragile medium such as cyberspace.
What do I have against Gaydar?
My profile has been viewed over three thousand times (and this statement is not to brag its rather out of frustration) and the number of eligible gentleman over the span of three years did not exceed one or two at the most.
Three thousand views.
You would think.
But no. That gay men are a minority and the statistical probability of meeting someone interesting (regardless of the definition of interesting and regardless of extremely variant tastes. The term is open to interpretation) is ten times as difficult or impossible as mainstream heterosexuals leaves little to be said. Or done actually.
But then if we will use statistics to analyze this then maybe we should also say how context-dependent is it.
Those who conform to mainstream tastes, sympathies, aesthetics, politics, non-threatening yet challenging ideas are twenty times more likely to get more hits.
And these are not the thoughts of some sad, hateful queen. (with the great risk of sounding like one)
Rather its a mere observation.
If you place a personal photo of a defined mid-section in Speedos, the probability of other members messaging you increases ten fold (I would for a start. For the sheer pleasure of eye-candy). If you add to this an "interesting" (the above disclaimer applies) description in English, the probability increases another tenfold.
A standardized pattern of self-representation is thus created and those who choose other means to "represent" themselves are immediately ostracized or risk being unintelligible in a context of a rigid lexicon of identity norms that has been established.
It would be like speaking Mandarin to a group of Italians at the Egyptian Museum. This is how "dislocated" and unreal it sounds.
The immediate physical appeal, the bilingualism, the stress on class are all key in understanding how "other members" of the "community" operate.
I remember once this Lebanese guy who had his entire profile written in classical, formal Arabic. I thought this was mighty refreshing not to mention downright bold in a very sexy way. He was the first and the last person ever to do this.
That he turned out to be a psycho (not in a derogatory sense, in the sense he made it impossible to communicate) is another matter.
But the matter remains unresolved.
Its either English or trashy Arabic.
The disdain for a native tongue is unprecedented. (myself included. But I try to embrace my bias and I always say I will take anyone who writes proper Arabic, which is awfully rare these days...)
God knows I tried to check out people who do not have personal photos on display, who spoke bad English and who apparently were everyone's list of no no.
It was like the "Year of Yes"!
But did that help?
No! I had a series of losers, psychos and every specimen of nature's odds knock at my door.
Something begged to be asked, why can't I be a good girl and work out, put a simple yet "interesting" (still the same disclaimer) uncomplicated info on my profile?
I wish I could answer that one.
That I have a problem with personal photography, and just conforming or being mainstreamed will explain just a little bit.
Its almost impossible to completely crush all my sense of individuality (no matter how pretentious this sounds, honestly it is not).
If people all look and act the same, does this sound right?
People were created different for a reason.
And they are, no matter how much tyrannical aesthetics and norms try to prove or do otherwise.
Will I continue boycotting Gaydar?
No. I don't think so.
I will allow myself to be mainstreamed, objectified and crushed one more time. What I did for love (i.e. a good slab of man meat that is)!
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