Abdel Baset Blues
Mr. Hamouda's existentialist gems resonated with almost everyone. Never mind the clichéd metaphors or the hideous album cover, Abdel Baset did not shy away from tackling deeply troubling issues such as identity and post-modern anguish over the break of traditional community ties and collective consciousness of what constitutes family, society,....etc.
This sense of alienation, so masterfully expressed by Abdel Baset, was something I never really thought about. I always presisted in my belief that although I do not belong to society at large, I was part of a certain community, and that the ties and the bonds that connect me to them are just as strong as I imagine them to be.
I remember long ago, I came across a smart and witty queen, who was famous for her double-entendres and biting sense of humour. She was also one mean and bitter queen. She completely shunned the gay scene and absolutely refused to hang out with the queens or to have gay friends, or to go to gatherings or parties or any shit like that. She was sick and tired from all the gossip, the bitching, the judging, the back-stabbing, the flaky friends, the insincere friends, the bitches that leave....etc. She had had it, she was done with the gay scene.
And it always struck me how she somehow replaced that sense of community, by allying herself with her "straight friends". She became the 'gay token guy' in the straight group. And of course she was brutally judged for it.
I always felt for her - I liked her actually. I thought she was cute, smart, funny and very career driven. She'd make any man very happy. But I couldn't help but feel sorry for her, and tell myself, I might be a bitter queen but I will never shun the gay scene (it even rhymes).
Till I woke up one day, and I looked in the mirror and said, 'mirror mirror on the wall, whose the bitterest of them all?', and it was me.
The inevitable happened, and I caught the 'I-hate-the-gay-scene' disease. A pernicious disease, that can be deadly. Its a result of the 'chronic bitterness' syndrome, coupled with environmental factors such as constant exposure to 'vicious cunts' and 'bitchy queens'. An estimated 30% of the homosexuals you know are at the risk of catching the disease, and although not completely confirmed, the disease is to some degree contagious.
The disease is not completely understood, but the biggest number of affected patients are usually queens and bitchy tops.
But medical jargon aside, I became that queen. That queen I felt sorry for. That queen I thought was just being bitter and lonely. I became the queen I hate to be.
What surprised me, was not that I have changed. What surprised me was the result of that change.
I have been changing gradually over time, little by little, and thats the problem with gradual change, you don't feel it happening. Its so subtle, its almost imperceptible. And then one day, you look in the mirror like Abdel Baset, and you don't know who you are any more.
Its not that the gay scene will not drive any sane queen completely crazy. It will. With all the horrible classist shit going on, how young the scene is, and the attack of the early-twenties bitches, the complete lack of any sense of community or true solidarity, and so on and so on.
There is a lot that can and will alienate a lot of people in the gay scene.
But aside from sociological explanations or cultural analysis of the gay scene, the personal experiences we have as part of it, all the bitchiness, the back-stabbing, the gossip, the bourgeois self-victimization (one guy I knew would only date bitches who went to La Bodega or hung out in Zamalek, really?), the complete lack of empathy or respect to your fellow queens,....etc etc
You are bound to hit a wall. Bitch can only take so much shit from other bitches.
And like the immortal Abdel Baset said, 'I was tired from the surprise, my tears fell'.
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