3288
Is the number of people who viewed your profile.
And thats only my latest "creation".
There were many avatars before that. I never kept track of how many visitors were in total.
But in terms of recent memory 3288 actually browsed my profile.
What does it mean?
Do I get an award for the biggest number of visitors?
Does it mean anything in terms of whether or not my profile is interesting and has a "crossover" appeal?
Does it make me a star (quoting Madonna here)?
Is it a true measure of desirability at all?
Or is this the average number of visitors a 2 years old profile gets?
Who knew statistics would come in so handy now.
The number of dates I had versus the number of visitors, creates a ratio of exactly 1:1000
Almost.
I was having lunch with Kiki the other day, and she trying to be nice and concerned, asked me, 'tell me about your latest love entanglements?', bitter beyond belief and offended she even asked, I said, 'you know very well I don't date in Cairo. Egyptian men don't like me".
Insisting on proving me wrong, although she's very much aware that I am always right, she continues to say, 'You should create an account on Facebook just for hooking up with guys, thats the way to do it nowadays it seems!"
The answer is still no.
There are exactly 5 eligible single men in the entire the gay scene in Cairo, and there are over 10,000 of us (us being a generic term, comprising not exclusive to, queens, bottoms, versatiles, Top-wanna bees, muscle marys, gym rats,....etc)
Its just too much competition.
But then where did the 3288 visitors come from?
If anything it confirms my suspicions and my inner most fears about myself and the men around me.
And I can sensationalize this, and splash it all over the blog, like some of us do, longing for attention and recognition, and I can pretend to be cool and open-minded like some others, while inside I am terrified for being judged, because I was judged before.
I won't pretend either.
I am not so distant from the many horrific facts and realizations 3288 reveals, and I am not secure enough to just excavate my deepest psychological angst online.
3288 and 3 dates in 2 years might be an incredibly scary fact, but whats even more scary is trying to rationalize it in a way that would not be ultimately hurtful and insulting.
I am my harshest critic.
So for now, I choose to pretend to take Kiki's advice to heart.
I choose the state of denial.
And thats only my latest "creation".
There were many avatars before that. I never kept track of how many visitors were in total.
But in terms of recent memory 3288 actually browsed my profile.
What does it mean?
Do I get an award for the biggest number of visitors?
Does it mean anything in terms of whether or not my profile is interesting and has a "crossover" appeal?
Does it make me a star (quoting Madonna here)?
Is it a true measure of desirability at all?
Or is this the average number of visitors a 2 years old profile gets?
Who knew statistics would come in so handy now.
The number of dates I had versus the number of visitors, creates a ratio of exactly 1:1000
Almost.
I was having lunch with Kiki the other day, and she trying to be nice and concerned, asked me, 'tell me about your latest love entanglements?', bitter beyond belief and offended she even asked, I said, 'you know very well I don't date in Cairo. Egyptian men don't like me".
Insisting on proving me wrong, although she's very much aware that I am always right, she continues to say, 'You should create an account on Facebook just for hooking up with guys, thats the way to do it nowadays it seems!"
The answer is still no.
There are exactly 5 eligible single men in the entire the gay scene in Cairo, and there are over 10,000 of us (us being a generic term, comprising not exclusive to, queens, bottoms, versatiles, Top-wanna bees, muscle marys, gym rats,....etc)
Its just too much competition.
But then where did the 3288 visitors come from?
If anything it confirms my suspicions and my inner most fears about myself and the men around me.
And I can sensationalize this, and splash it all over the blog, like some of us do, longing for attention and recognition, and I can pretend to be cool and open-minded like some others, while inside I am terrified for being judged, because I was judged before.
I won't pretend either.
I am not so distant from the many horrific facts and realizations 3288 reveals, and I am not secure enough to just excavate my deepest psychological angst online.
3288 and 3 dates in 2 years might be an incredibly scary fact, but whats even more scary is trying to rationalize it in a way that would not be ultimately hurtful and insulting.
I am my harshest critic.
So for now, I choose to pretend to take Kiki's advice to heart.
I choose the state of denial.
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